Why is being single in Bangkok so offensive?

HOT MESS – “I’ve been single for years now.”

It’s hard to say that sentence without some people making a judgement about you. Some are convinced that I’m too unattractive or too irritating to find someone who’ll love me. Others presume that I am desperately trying to meet someone but I can’t.

Maybe it started off that way. Bangkok IS a hard city to meet men in and God knows I have tried. But now I’ve stopped. Being single isn’t something I’m looking to fix. Of course, we all like to feel cared for and loved, but I’d rather be single than be in a bad relationship. As I’ve mentioned in a previous column, I have a part-time boyfriend for those times when I need a little more intimacy than a fling can provide.

But, one thing I’ve notice is how very upset or concerned other people get by a long-term single status. I’m not sure if it’s made worse by the fact I live in Bangkok, which to many people is a byword for hedonism. A lot of people who don’t live here have mentioned they think I’m ‘off the rails’, which is quite funny because my days are generally very routine and stable (I mainly spend my evenings at my friend’s house watching DVDs and have one night out a week). I can only think it’s the lack of a man that upsets people.

My mum never fails to tell me she’d like me to meet a nice man. My coupled-up friends try to hook me up with people and offer advice about how I can change. Many men regularly ask me why I’m single. I never know what to reply because I don’t really have a grand reason. It just worked out that way.

Sometimes I say I’m happy single, sometimes that I haven’t found the right man, sometimes I say this is a difficult city to find love in, and sometimes that I’m difficult to please or that I go for the wrong men or that settling down scares me. I think the real answer is a mix of all of those and the fact that, honestly, I simply just don’t really care that much.

As a woman I know that I should be desperately trying to meet a suitable partner, but it just isn’t at the top of my agenda. It might seem strange to many of you but some of us are not urgently trying to pair up.

Most relationships I know of, I don’t envy. If the people involved are happy, that’s great but, from an outsider’s perspective, they often seem like a lot of having to go home earlier than you want to due to a partner’s jealousy or having to make some other kinds of compromises.

The thing that gets people riled up the most is that despite being single girl, I do still have a reasonably active love life when I should be at home crying into a teddy bear and listening to Neyo or something. I’m not off with a different guy every week and even if I was, who cares? I’ve never understood slut-shaming.

Bangkok is far too much fun to sit around waiting.

 

 

 

 



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