COCONUTS CRITICS TABLE — Celebrity chefs are kind of like caviar: all well and good in the right quantity, but spread them too thin and they start to lose their shine. Take foul-mouthed TV demagogue Gordon Ramsay. Around the turn of the millennium the Scotsman could do no wrong, and in 2001 his London restaurant snagged its third Michelin star. But Ramsay then seemed to spend the next decade doing little but screaming at people on reality TV, and spraying his name on all manner of ventures without giving each the attention it deserved. By 2009, his empire was overstretched, the press’ knives were out, and his three-star flagship had crashed out of Restaurant’s Top 100. Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, indeed.
Having visited Silom’s new hype-magnet Namsaah Bottling Trust, I’m starting to wonder whether Thailand’s own celeb cooking phenomenon, Ian Kittichai, might be at risk of turning that particular corner himself. Kittichai’s tally of projects is beginning to add up. In Bangkok alone, his outlets include two branches of gastro-bar Hyde & Seek, nose-to-tail-athon Smith and the rather lovely Issaya Siamese Club. That’s not including his eateries in New York City and Mumbai, and his various TV commitments, Iron Chef Thailand among them. Frankly, at Namsaah, his latest joint, the food never rose above mediocre, and came in inexplicably mean quantities. Indeed I was reminded of that Woody Allen joke about two elderly women discussing a restaurant in the Catskills: “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” “Yeah, I know; and such small portions.”
It all started so well. Heading down dingy Soi Silom 7, we began to wonder if we’d gotten the wrong street. Then a vision appeared on our left: a splendid old mansion painted a shade of pink your average ‘70s pimp might consider unseemly. That there was no sign – signs being something Kittichai seems to disdain – was a sign in itself: this was the place.
We were given a very pleasant welcome by the waiting staff, snooped around a little and took our seats in the ground-floor cocktail lounge. As outside, so inside: Namsaah has a bordello-like feel, with tinted lighting, louche furniture and vintage porn on the walls. We agreed that the place, like its sibling Hyde & Seek, seemed a worthy spot to get loaded.
The drinks menu led with a quote from Hunter S. Thompson – fine by me – and cocked a snook at a number of tired cocktail tropes – maraschino cherries, jam jars and the word “mixologist” among them. I’m not entirely sure a place calling itself “Namsaah Bottling Trust” with a section of the menu entitled “Hipster Classics” is in a position to mock others, but we all have our bugbears. Anyhow, the first mixtures we were served were rollicking: a Sang Som salted caramel whisky sour and a spicy mango mojito, which I managed to pour down the wrong hole, sparking a coughing fit. The waiting staff had a glass of water on the table before my tears even cleared.
But so far, so good. And the dinner menu got us more excited still. It’s difficult to pithily sum up the theme of the food, though “East meets West,” while cliché, would do it. There was American fast food colliding with Thai ingredients, Vietnamese mingling with French, and other dishes that sounded like they could have come straight off the menu at Issaya itself. We liked what we saw. Sai Oua “Haute Dog.” Krapow Burger. Slow-cooked Beef Red Curry. Yes, yes, yes. A THB450 pad Thai with foie gras was cause for concern, but in general it all sounded great fun – like a Thai David Chang catering a French brothel.
And then the food arrived. First came a dish described simply as “Dim Sum” (THB240) and which consisted of three shumai, “beef,” “fish” and “pork,” all three similarly inoffensive, yet similarly lacking in flavor. Then came the enticing-sounding “Sri Racha-Aioli Popcorn Shrimp.” While well battered, they scarcely tasted of anything at all. We had to request the aioli, which eventually arrived in a container similar to a ramekin, only smaller. There certainly wasn’t enough to cover our small bowl of under-seasoned shrimp bites – and all this, for THB380. “Spread too thin” started to seem apposite. “Duck Confit Noodle Salad,” meanwhile, was a zesty and light counterpart to these stodgier numbers, but was essentially a competent bun cha with a few pieces of roast duck, and priced at THB395.
Things did not pick up with the mains. The Sai Oua “Haute Dog” contained a tasty Chiang Mai sausage, but all Chiang Mai sausages are tasty, and most not so skinny as this one. But at THB350, it was priced as if it were Spanish chorizo, while the bun was of the cheapest kind – nothing “haute” about it. In fairness, with its relish of pickled cabbage, ginger and shallots and squeezable tube of Sriracha aioli, the dish worked fairly well, but ought to have been priced at half what it was.
The Pink Krapow Burger, meanwhile, was a disaster: a bun made soggy by the addition of a fried egg and an unseasoned, crumbling Wagyu patty. Both were almost the same texture: a mush that wouldn’t have troubled the teeth of a 2-year-old. And there was not so much as a hint of the flavor of Thai basil leaves. The fine, crispy onion rings on the side were probably the highlight of the meal, and when deep-fried onion slices are the best thing on the table you have problems. A lychee panna cotta, with lychee ice cream and a lychee soda in a tiny little soda bottle, was competent, but too little, too late.
Namsaah has only been open a few weeks, so it’s tempting to put these problems down to a new kitchen team making early-days mistakes. But the problems here seem to be as much of design as consistency. I don’t say this lightly, but it felt like the food could be summed up with the words: “will this do?” and that you were paying for a swanky venue and the Kittichai name. The cooking did not live up to either.
Coconut’s Critics Table reviews are written based on unannounced visits by our writers and paid for by Coconuts Bangkok. No freebies here.
Dan Waites is the author of Culture Shock! Bangkok, a guide to the culture, customs and expat life in the Thai capital. Follow him on Twitter: @danwaites
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